Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize