Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
we're chasing vodka with high fives
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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