I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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