WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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