This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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