i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
