at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
