The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
