summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
