So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
