I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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