i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Is it because I queefed?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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