I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
