So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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