She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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