I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
