I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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