the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
