It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
