i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
