Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
