bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
