Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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