you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
