Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize