Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
