i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
The uberlube is also flammable
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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