So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Will exercising make me less horny?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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