i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
