I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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