508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
