Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
