it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
