Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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