I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
