I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
