I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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