I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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