How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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