matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
