im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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