It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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