I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You have to summon your inner elephant
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
is it fun? or sober?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
