Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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