I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize