My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
