There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
