Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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