if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
