dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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