I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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