Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize