Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
