I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
