Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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