can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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