May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
