So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
did i walk over a car last night?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Randomize
