And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
