sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
