is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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