Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
