Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
