THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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