There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
