Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i will never coherently bang her
operation have a gay friend backfired
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
